His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) Read online

  “You’re kidding me, right?” he growled, becoming angry. After all these years of covering up for her, he was done. A marriage wasn’t something you lied about. He loved her, damn it, but he wouldn’t have her like this.

  “Why are you so mad? This is the best way out of this. You know how our parents will act if they find out the truth.”

  Removing his hands, he clenched his fists. He’d reached his limit. They were so far from each other right now; not only were they on different pages, but different books altogether. Looking her straight in the eyes, he lost the patience he’d always had with her. “You’re twenty-seven years old, Allie. For once, grow up and accept responsibility. I’m done trying to make things right for you and covering up your mistakes. We got drunk, we were ‘stupid,’ as you said, and got married. That’s what happened and I’m not going to make up some story just to save face with our parents. And if you think they’ll be disappointed because we got married drunk, how much more disappointed will they be when they find out the truth years from now, which, I promise you, they will. I’m sure they also had moments when they were young, even if not to this extreme. But, regardless this is our doing and I’ll own up to my part of it.”

  “You just don’t want to give up all your little blonde city girls coming to play cowgirl and have fun with the big, strong cowboy,” Allie spat out at him, reacting in anger to his recriminations.

  He stood up and turned away from her so she couldn’t see the hurt she just inflicted on him. Whether she mean them or not, her words stung. Sometimes he wondered why he loved her- she was brash, impulsive and drove him mad. He pulled his boots on and threw his hat on over his mussed hair, not bothering to comb the mess. All he wanted, at this moment, was to escape this room. He couldn’t think with her right there.

  Pausing at the door, he took a deep breath to steady the anger. “I’m going downstairs. After breakfast, I’m packing and checking out.” He walked out the door without a backward glance. Getting home to the Whispering Winds never sounded so good.

  ***

  “What just happened?” Allie cried to the beige, sterile wall. That encounter didn’t go anything like she’d expected. Her worst fear was happening- not even a full twenty-four hours had passed, since the most irresponsible night of her life, and she was already losing her best and oldest friend in this world. Why was he being difficult about fixing this mistake they made?

  She dreaded telling her parents. This would be the final nail in her proverbial coffin. No one ever took her seriously. That is, no one except Jase; but even he just told her to grow up. She’d been in more scrapes than she cared to admit. More often than not, Jase had done what he needed to keep her out of trouble, like when she double booked a room last spring. He stepped in taking the fault, claiming he’d taken that reservation and was to blame. No one questioned why he would be answering the phone, because it was Jase; they simply took his word for it. Or the countless times she’d run out of gas and he’d come to her rescue. Even when she’d tried going away to college, she’d called Jase in tears one night, crying, because she felt like she wasn’t meant to be there. The next morning he was there to take her home, no questions asked. That evening he’d stood by her side holding her hand, in a show of support, the entire time she told her parents she wanted to drop out.

  There was never a time Jase hadn’t been there for her. No matter how hard she searched her memory, she came up blank. She moved out to the balcony, needing the fresh air to calm her. Even in the morning hours, neon lights flashed and people filled the streets. Watching the diverse group of people milling about, she couldn’t help but wonder how their visits had gone. Did they make some life changing decision while here? Why couldn’t what happened in Vegas stay in Vegas, for real? She’d had enough of the city. Wyoming was home and she couldn’t wait to return to wide open spaces.

  Maybe Jase was right. Thinking back, she’d never really been held accountable for any of her actions. Being an only child, her parents had indulged; until recently, that is. She’d always skirted around any repercussions with Jase’s help or talked her way out if it. But if Jase wasn’t going to help, where did that leave her? They’d need a lawyer for the divorce, and Bumblton only had one. One lawyer who happened to be her uncle, and would find a way to tell her parents despite attorney-client privileges. If she could just get through this, she swore to herself she’d be more responsible. Every stride she’d made to settle down and take her roles seriously would be in vain. “Mom and Dad are going to kill me,” she muttered to the morning breeze.

  “No they won’t,” a deep, gravelly voice said from inside.

  The unexpected answer caused her to jump, even though she knew whom the voice belonged to. Only one voice could send warm chills through her. Slowly, she turned and saw Jase standing in the door frame between the room and balcony.

  “How long are we going to do this for?” he asked.

  “You mean it? You’ll go along with it?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “Only for you, Allie Cat.”

  “Thank you, Jase,” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug, like she’d done so many times before.

  An awareness overwhelmed her that hadn’t been there before. She could feel the sinewy muscles of his back through his shirt. The urge to run her hands up and down him was almost more than she could bear. She looked up at him, their faces mere inches apart. Memories of last night flooded her, awakening every nerve in her body. She released her arms and jumped backwards, as though a searing flame had touched her.

  “Three months?” she posed as a questioned.

  “Okay. Three months it is,” he agreed.

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “Charlie and Missy are stopping at the casino one last time before leaving,” he told her, avoiding the question. “When you didn’t come down, I figured you’d still be here. Let’s go grab breakfast, and we’ll work out the details.”

  In the hall, he casually threw his arm around her shoulder. For the time being it felt like nothing had changed between them, like they were the best friends they’d always been and nothing had changed. He ushered her into the restaurant downstairs and to a table toward the back corner. Dim lights softly illuminated the dining room and a candle glowed through a clear glass vase at each table, presenting an intimate feeling, despite the public setting.

  Jase pulled out her chair, another action he’d done many times before, but seemed different today. He took a seat across from her while she absently stared at a menu, blind to the words. A group of men at the center bar caught her attention. Weekend cowboys she called them. They dressed up in brand new designer denim, shiny boots and perfect hats. Bodies sculpted from hours at the gym, not from real labor. She couldn’t help compare them to Jase- he was the real deal. Scuffed boots he’d had for years were worn for comfort and practicality without a thought to fashion. Faded jeans that hugged his firm rear and muscular thighs where a testament to long hours of hard work. The sleeves on his plaid shirt were rolled up, showcasing corded biceps that would drive any red-blooded female crazy.

  He leaned back in his chair, exuding a confidence she’d always admired, even if she was a tad envious of the ease it came to him. While she was always second-guessing herself, Jase just did it. And, unlike her, he usually did the right thing.

  “So just stick with the buffet?” he asked.

  “What?” she asked in return, aware that he’d said something while she’d been lost in thought.

  “Do you want to order from a menu or just stick with the buffet?” he repeated.

  “Um, the buffet is fine, I guess,” she answered, laying down the menu.

  The restaurant was filling quickly now that people were waking up from their late night out. They waited in line at the first station, stuck behind a large group of older women wearing red hats and purple dresses.

  “How are you feeling, by the way?” Jase asked.

  “Bet
ter than when I first woke up,” she said. “Remind me never to drink like that again.”

  The group ahead of them progressed onto the next station allowing Jase and Allie to move forward. She wasn’t hungry, her stomach still queasy from the alcohol, but knew that food would help her feel better. A plain bagel and banana were all that she took, despite Jase’s suggestions. Returning to their seats, she nibbled at her food. Jase dug in, filling himself with sausage, bacon and eggs.

  “I was thinking, one of us will have to move in with the other.” She looked at Jase, gauging his reaction.

  Jase slowly chewed the bite of food in his mouth, taking too long to answer. “You should move in with me. I have my own cabin on the property, and you still live with your parents.”

  He was right. This would be hard enough to pull off without being under her parent’s noses. Of course, their wing of the large main cabin was so spacious, they’d still have their privacy. But Jase was right. His cabin was a much better idea. Except for one issue.

  “You only have one bedroom,” she said.

  “I’ll sleep on the sofa.” he replied, not missing a beat, taking another bite of food.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she questioned.

  “No, but it’s what you want.” He’d seemed to calm down since they left since his room, but she saw a brief flicker of doubt and aggravation in his eyes.

  Her fingers unconsciously drummed the linen lined table. “Thank you for always being there. For what it’s worth, I thought about what you said. All my life, you’ve been there to help me out of the pickles I found myself in. After this one, I swear I’m going to buckle down. You were right; I do need to grow up.”

  Jase was silent and this was one of those times she wished she didn’t know him so well; then she wouldn’t know he was biting his tongue and remaining silent to refrain from saying something that would hurt her feelings. Without looking, she knew his left hand would be scratching his knee under the table, because that’s what he did when he was frustrated. It was the Jase version of counting to ten and taking a deep breath.

  “It’s what friends do,” he said. His jaw tightened and eyebrows furrowed. “No matter how this all turns out, I’ll always be your friend, Allie. But we’re getting older and life is more complicated.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” she muttered.

  “There will come a time,” Jase continued like he didn’t hear her, “as life changes, that I can’t always come to your rescue.”

  His words sounded cryptic and foreboding. He wasn’t just speaking in possibilities. “What are you trying to tell me?” she asked.

  “The Triple M is looking into a new horse breeding program. They’ve been asking me for a few months to come join them. At first I told them no, but they called again last week. I think it might be time to leave Whispering Winds for a while.”

  “What? I thought you were happy at Whispering Winds.”

  “Things change,” he said.

  How could he deliver devastating news like that and sit there like he hadn’t just crushed her world. “Our parents have been talking about retiring and handing it over to us in the next few years. They’ve already put us in charge of most daily operations.”

  “It wouldn’t be forever. A few years max and then I’d be back,” he answered calmly.

  “But that’s over five hundred miles away,” she protested. Her bagel lost what little appeal it held and she set it down, pushing her plate away.

  “I know,” he said, so low she wondered if she heard him correctly.

  This was too much to handle, on top of everything else. She couldn’t reconcile a world without Jase near her. Even when she’d gone off to college, she hadn’t been more than two hours away. But five hundred miles? He may as well move to the east coast.

  “That was Missy,” Allie said, pushing a button to end the call. “There’s an accident up ahead and the entire interstate is closed. Word is that it could be hours before it’s cleaned up.”

  Jase groaned. All he wanted was to get home to familiar territory. They’d already left Vegas later than expected and wouldn’t get back to the ranch until well after dark. “I need to fuel up. There’s an exit up ahead; we’ll stop there and take a break. I’ll take a look at the atlas and see if I can find a detour.”

  “How much farther is it?” Allie asked, shifting her body. “It’s about time to stretch my legs anyway.”

  “Right there,” he said, pointing to the edge of the interstate at a large blue sign with symbols for various gas stations.

  He steered his truck onto the exit ramp and parked next to a green handled diesel pump.

  “I’m going to grab a soda,” Allie stated. “Want anything?”

  “Some coffee would be good.”

  He swiped his card and removed the lid from his tank. Inserting the nozzle, he let the fuel flow until it cut off. He replaced the lid and nozzle before grabbing his receipt. Allie hadn’t returned so he moved his truck from the pump to the front of the station and pulled out the atlas. The only detour he could find would add at least three hours to their trip. He gave Charlie a quick call, but only confirmed the traffic was stopped for miles. Either way, it looked like they’d be getting home after midnight.

  A shadow caught his attention and he looked up from the maps. Allie stood at his window holding out a Styrofoam cup of coffee. Man, she was gorgeous even against the backdrop of a roadside convenience store. Unpretentious and unassuming, he wondered if she even knew how beautiful she was. She rarely, if ever, wore make-up and didn’t need it- silky chestnut hair was pulled back in her typical pony-tail, but a few tendrils escaped framing her flawless heart-shaped face. Golden flecks in her brown eyes always gave an illusion of sparkles that were accentuated when she was excited or angry. She was tall, but still stood a head below his six foot three inch frame.

  Her words from earlier haunted him. There’d been a time in his younger day, where he’d willingly taken the female guests who’d thrown themselves at him. He was young and dumb then, not realizing Allie knew about those liaisons. Not that it mattered because they’d always been “just friends” anyway. However, since then, he’s grown up and followed a strict rule about not fraternizing with the guests. And now that he’d had one night with Allie, he knew, undoubtedly, that no woman could ever match up to her.

  “The only detour will add an extra three hours to the trip. It’s a gamble which route will get us home first,” he told her, giving her the choice of which route to take.

  “Let’s just stay on the main road then,” Allie suggested. “At least we know that way and won’t chance getting lost.” She handed him the cup of coffee. “Should I drive for a while?”

  “I’m good. You know how Truck feels about others driving him.” No one but Jase drove his truck- not even Allie. It would be almost as bad as someone wearing his hat.

  She stuck her tongue out at him, but went to the passenger side and jumped in. They drove for another hour before they hit the back-up. Traffic was at a complete standstill. Two hours later they still hadn’t moved at all. The sun was setting, giving its last rays of light to the people milling about, sick of being stuck in their vehicles.

  “Tired?” he asked Allie when he glanced over, catching her in a yawn.

  “A little,” she admitted.

  “Slide on over,” he told her, patting the leather seat beside him.

  Allie slid over, laying her head in the groove between his shoulder and chest. His arm wrapped around her, cradling her to him.

  “Get some sleep,” he murmured. “Looks like we’ll be here awhile.”

  She barely nodded before falling asleep. His mind wandered back a few years, to the last time she’d fallen asleep against him. They’d gone to the rodeo in Cheyenne to see an old friend from high school compete in barrel racing. Not long after getting there, Allie tripped and sprained her ankle. Stubborn as she was, she insisted on remaining through the entire competition, despite her obvio
us pain. She’d hobbled the whole day, leaning on him for support only when she absolutely couldn’t stand on her own. That night, as they drove home, she’d curled up to him, much like she was now. Exhausted from walking on a sprained ankle all day, she’d slept the entire drive home.

  He was going to miss the hell out of her when he took the job at the Triple M. To be honest, he’d never considered actually accepting the job. His life was at the Whispering Winds, and he loved it there. His time was spent, mainly, working the breeding operations of the ranch, his family’s specialty, and, occasionally, helping out on the guest side, the Tyndale family specialty. Interacting with the guests and teaching them about this country was something he’d always enjoyed and a part he would miss at the Triple M. In light of certain events though, he had to put some space between Allie and him.

  When she’d asked him to lie to their parents, he’d been rightfully angry, but as soon as he’d left the room, he knew he’d do it. That’s how it has always been with them. Even when she didn’t ask, he was always there picking up the pieces because he thought that’s what you did when you cared for someone. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a moment of clarity until earlier today that, just maybe, he hadn’t been helping her by always bailing her out. And if she saw this marriage as a mistake, then he couldn’t stick around once it was dissolved.

  A cacophony of noise outside brought his attention back to the road. Horns were blaring, lights flashing and people shouting in excitement. The few remaining people outside of their cars hurriedly jumped back in at the first signs of movement ahead. Vehicles moved at a snail’s pace to begin with, but picked up speed as they crawled along. Allie still slept, snuggled against him. He wasn’t about to disturb her. Moments like these were few and far between; likely to be even more rare in the future. One hand firmly gripped the steering wheel, while the other remained around Allie.